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Today I’m feeling such a deep sadness.

This past week at the soul retreat I experienced sooooooo much. So much anger, release, emotion, triggers, resistance, healing, connection.

And today my body is feeling like it wants to walk away from almost everything in my life.

Business, friendships, social constructs, people, creating, doing, society.

There’s a heaviness I’m feeling within.

Tears brimming with every thought and every word that I type.

Feelings I haven’t felt for a very long time are coming to the surface.

Feeling raw, vulnerable, naked, alone.

I remember for a moment that this is how I used to live my life.

The difference then... I was consumed by it. I made myself wrong. I didn’t understand. I judged myself. I was in a victim state. I felt like I was falling apart.

This WAS my normal.

Tied to feelings of unworthiness, guilt, sadness, fear, shame, rejection.

Remembering also in this moment where I’ve come from. How much I’ve grown within.

How my new normal is worlds apart from where I was a few years ago.

Knowing deep in my heart that these feelings right now are just another layer of my own personal journey being exposed for me to step into and peel back to even more of my truth.

So much is coming to the surface to be seen, felt and grieved.

Reflecting on the past twelve months how friendships have come and gone.

Businesses have grown, ended, exploded and also been reignited.

Learnings have come in all shapes and sizes.

Patterns and programs have shown up to be shifted and healed.

Today this journey feels tough.

I feel tired.

I feel exhausted.

I feel ALL of it.

And I also know that what’s to come from here is NEXT LEVEL.

That experiences like this open us up to deeper growth and expansion.

So today I’m choosing to feel the feels. To let the tears flow as they need. To surrender. To feel the sadness. To lean in. And as my Dad would say I’m choosing to roll around and get dirty with the emotion.

Letting go of all resistance and judgement of self.

First saying thank you and KNOWING that there’s a gift in all of it.

Knowing that my heart is cracking open a little more and that what’s to come is extraordinary ❤️