SOMEONE ONCE SAID TO ME...
If you don’t believe in who you are, you can borrow my belief until you do.
So I did.
And I clung to that KNOWING that I was meant for more even though I didn’t know what ‘more’ was.
That was around 10 years ago now when I was living what felt like a double life.
I was smiling on the outside yet carrying so much guilt and shame on the inside.
I seemed carefree and happy.
Yet I was so self-conscious, quick to take offence, lonely, sad, living in a home where there was often drugs, alcohol and continuous verbal abuse, not knowing how to get myself out of that.
The deeper I went the harder it felt to bring myself out.
I felt like I was drowning.
So desperately wanting the life I dreamed of.
Yet I felt like this weight kept pulling me down.
And I had no idea how to change it.
So I started listening to my souls nudges.
Barely audible yet definitely there.
THIS is what began my deep journey soul work.
One step at a time.
Learning the truth of who I was regardless of all the guilt and shame I carried.
Back then I made an unconscious commitment to become the best version of me possible.
A version where I could stand and have a conversation with you without looking away because I was no longer fearful that you would see through me and not like what you saw.
A version where I was in a loving, solid, caring relationship not one where yelling, fighting, abuse, drugs and alcohol had become the norm.
A version where I felt safe to trust others AND myself so that I COULD create more meaningful relationships.
A version where my rejection issues from childhood and ALL of my relationships was no longer dominating my world.
A version where I just knew that I was loveable and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was not only worth receiving love from others but also from myself.
Fast forward to now and I remember how hard that journey has felt over the years.
Yet I’ve continued to show up for myself.
To get to know who I am - truthfully who I am.
I’ve peeled back layer upon layer of shitty choices, bad experiences and self-loathing.
To get to where I stand today.
In front of you with heart wide open.
A confidence to look you in the eye and feel safe because I know the truth of who I am.
Because I now honour and deeply respect ALL of who I am.
And when I look in that mirror I have a compassion and deep love that has taken me my entire lifetime to feel and acknowledge.
I did this by making a decision to heal my hurt, to let go of people and things that no longer served me, to show up for myself even when I didn’t feel like it, to create what I wanted and to KNOW I was worthy of it.
I did it by committing to my own personal growth.
By spending time around people who lift me higher.
Even when I couldn’t see what was in front of me.
Even when I felt like giving up because it felt too hard.
And I’m so grateful I chose myself as my number one value.
I’m so grateful I chose greatness over mediocrity.
It takes courage for us to stand up and say ‘no more’.
To say ‘I deserve better’.
To feel worthy of all we desire.
To feel like we belong.
To commit to feeling comfortable in our own skin.
And once we choose this vast, colourful and often uncomfortable path, there’s no going back to what we knew before.
Because self-love, self-respect and self-worth are where freedom begins.
Everyday you have a chance to make a choice that serves you; or one that does not.
Each day you have an opportunity to say YES to yourself and to take another step closer to the life you wish to live; or not.
Each day you have a choice about how you treat yourself, how you treat those around you and who you allow into your world; or not.
It’s not always easy or comfortable to step out of the box, to spread your wings, to acknowledge the truth of who you are, to take a chance, to listen to your soul, to choose a different path, to say YES to yourself more often, and to say no to others, to honour your needs and to create a life of freedom and choices.
It certainly IS worth it though ❤️❤️❤️